Woke: My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over ten years experience. You all Know this. Our wedding colors, fabrics, and intimate synchronized dance are something we hold very dear to our hearts. The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The black and camouflage outfits represent the aura of the devil we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life saving liquid. You get the picture. We met at a psychic’s desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy, as you all know. Why not bring our traditions and beliefs to our wedding? Would you show up at an Indian persons wedding and make fun of their culture and their tradition? If not, don’t judge ours.
“I’m Ground Zero, and whether you’re a hero or a student, there’s one thing that will always give you an edge – a hot lunch. You don’t have to – what the hell is this? No matter how much you eat it ain’t gonna do [CENSORED] against me in a fight. What? Okay fine. You don’t have to have an amazing quirk, or inherit secret [CENSORED] overpowered [CENSORED] superpowers from a hero to have strong bones and muscles. Well actually, you might have some pretty [CENSORED] up bones – I mean, hypothetically I mean. Anyways, a well balanced diet is one of the best way to keep your damn body healthy. The food pyramid will help you find the balance – what the f-”
“I’m Ground Zero, I’m here to talk to you about one of the most important weapons in any hero’s arsenal – math. What the- why are we spreading this propaganda? As a pro hero, I’ve seen some pretty exciting things; but you know what really exciting? Reading- okay what am I actually reading here? Okay, listen the [CENSORED] up you brats, the most important weapon is-”
“So your body’s changing. Believe me, I know how that feels – the [CENSORED]? If anything you should be asking [CENSORED] Deku if you want to know about – nevermind. I’m Ground Zero, if you’re watching this video your parents have elected for you not to be present in the health class for a discussion of human reproduction – wait, parents get to decide this?!”
“I’m Ground Zero, and I’m here to talk to you about one of the toughest enemies I’ve ever faced. Tooth decay- what the actual [CENSORED], you know I regular kick the [CENSORED] of villains every day right?”
“There’s an insidious force that could be hidden right in your own school. anyone of you could be secretly compromised. That’s right, I’m talking about head lice. What the hell? Is THIS what kids these days worry about? When I was in school we were attacked multiple times every [CENSORED] year by [CENSORED] villains and we could literally be compromised by a [CENSORED] traitor among us-”
“I’m Ground Zero. Whether you’re in the classroom, or on the battlefield, physical fitness can be the difference between success or failure. Oh thank [CENSORED] god, finally one of these stupid [CENSORED] things actually make sense. Today, my good friend, your gym teacher – I don’t know who the actual hell they are, will be conducting the Ground Zero Fitness Challenge – wait, there’s a challenge named after me?!”
“So, you got detention, you- honestly, you’re pretty lucky. When I [CENSORED] up in school, I got [CENSORED] house arrest for 4 days. Anyways, so you screwed up, you know what you did was wrong, the question is how are you going to make things right? We all know whats right, we all know what’s wrong – actually, tell that to those villain [CENSORED]. Next time those turkeys – TURKEYS? [CENSORED] TURKEYS? What kind of insult is that? Next time those[CENSORED] try to convince you of that something you know wrong, just think to yourself what would Ground Zero do? Actually, that’s not always a good idea. Just tell them to [CENSORED] off.”
“I’m Ground Zero, I’m being forced to- I’m here to talk to you about one of the most valuable traits a hero or student can have: patience, something I have very little of. Sometimes patience is worth it, it can the key to victory. Sometimes it leads to very little, which is annoying as hell. It seems like it’s not worth it, and you wonder, why you waited so long for something so disappointing. And rightfully so, why the [CENSORED] would you-”
“How many more of these stupid [CENSORED] things do I have to do?”
They decide Deku might be a better choice for these, but the kids fucking love Ground Zero doing the PSAs instead of other heroes. The Bakusquad teases him about the videos, but they shut up when kids aspiring to be heroes end up loving Ground Zero.
I know there’s a lot of touch-starved Bakugou and Kirishima who’s always there for anyone who needs a hug. But, consider this, Kirishima as the touch-starved one.
We don’t know much about his parents. We can assume they provided for him and gave him what he wanted, since he had a lot of Crimson Riot merch and from what we saw of his room, it was pretty standard for a kid who has knick knacks and stuff. Maybe they weren’t always around as he was growing, either always working or busy. And his quirk isn’t really the kind that lets him get hurt, so if he falls and his quirk activates, he’s not crying from scraped palms or skinned knees.
As a result, Kirishima loves physical affection. He didn’t get a lot of it, for whatever reason, and so he loves to give and receive it. At first maybe he didn’t embrace it, because he thought he had to tough it out. But after his epiphany in middle school, he becomes more open about it. Whereas before maybe Kirishima kept his pda to slaps on the back or high-fives, he straight up embraces all forms.
Kirishima will sling an arm around Sero. He’ll pull Kaminari in to ruffle his hair (once he def nuzzled the top of his head and Kaminari was overcome with emotion) or drag him in for a hug. He squeezes Tetsu’s bicep and asks about his lifting regime. Kirishima will just reach to steady people, he’ll hold hands if people are down. Once he looped his arm through Uraraka’s while they walked back to the dorm.
Kirishima just loves all forms of physical contact and he knows what his friends will accept and what they don’t like.
Bakugou probably grew up with a lot of physical contact, good and bad. He’s not a fan of it, but he never really stops his parents from pulling him into a hug or ruffling his hair (even though Bakugou growls and grumbles the entire time).
He teases (mocks) Kirishima for being so clingy, and Kirishima kinda laughs it off and mentions that his parents were never big huggers so …
And then Kirishima backs off and Bakugou is like …fuck i made a mistake.
Cue Bakugou initiating pda. It’s rare but it happens enough that Kirishima notices and cheers up because Bakugou is trying and he’s trying for Kirishima.
Bakugou’ll grip Kirishima’s shoulder or if he’s real happy after training, he’ll drag him in for a one-armed hug (and then push Kirishima away quickly). He’ll put his hand on Kirishima’s back (gripping his shirt) when he needs to drag his red-haired dumbass away from somewhere. Once he sticks his hand in Kirishima’s hair and pulls when he’s pissed off, but even Bakugou’s rough handling is affectionate. He’ll smack Kirishima upside the head gently and knock his shoulder against Kirishima’s.
Once Bakugou hip-checked Kirishima into the classroom. It was surprisingly gentle.
My favorite kind of KiriBaku is Bakugou realizing and accepting he’s in love with Kirishima and then waiting for Kirishima to catch the fuck up.
Finally, after a few years (Kirishima’s so fucking lucky he’s cute), Kirishima confesses. They’re both in the elevator, going up to their shared apartment. He’s red in the face and a little tearful, what the fuck, but Bakugou just looks up from his phone, probably reading a food blog, face blank, and then says, “About fucking time, Eijirou. You better be happy with a spring wedding.”
But before he goes back to reading the recipe, Bakugou leans over and kisses Kirishima.
(When the elevator doors open, they’re holding hands.)
However, this bit of nonsense single-handedly illustrates why we should never try and create an official AO3 app (aside from, you know, not even having enough personnel to build and maintain the desktop version while also dealing with server emergencies and trying to train new developers)–
–in that we would literally have to design, prototype, build, test, and refine *two* mobile apps at the same time (three if you count Windows phones) (so, two) (rimshot) and then go through an arduous app store approval process not once, but twice, and then PROVIDE TECHNICAL SUPPORT AND KEEP UP WITH OS UPDATES AND HARDWARE CHANGES FOR TWO. ENTIRELY. DIFFERENT. PLATFORMS. FOREVER.
(Also, we don’t even have an API yet, lol, that would be the first step, WE AREN’T EVEN CLOSE TO HAVING AN API, ALL DISCUSSIONS ABOUT APPS END HERE.)
Asking for “an AO3 app” is like asking for “a thing to get me places” and then being mad when you’re presented with the promise of a car, because you don’t have a driver’s license and what you really meant was a bike, except there are people who can’t ride bikes and would like to go places too, so the car is a good start at least, PLEASE STOP YELLING.
In addition, the people who now have to design and build a bike for you are also building the road at the same time. For free. In their spare time. While also holding down full-time jobs and taking care of their families. Also, people are yelling at them to go faster the whole time, and build that damn bike and that damn car already, it’s fucking 2015, HOW IS THERE NO AO3 APP YET GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BITCHES.
(actual quotes)
If you’re now wondering if there are really that many people asking for an app to warrant this kind of post, isn’t the website perfectly usable on mobile, like, I was reading some fic on my phone earlier, it was fine, why would people clamor for an app–
hahaha haha hahahasjlkjdlksjdlksjd
sdfkdj.
so, what you are saying is that an app will be coming soon, right?
I really really really wish they were lying about the tone of some of the tickets.
I really do.
I’m not sure, though, exactly what an app’s supposed to do, though, that the site doesn’t. The seemingly most common request (after “it’ll look better”, which lolwut) is “allow me to read offline”. Last I asked a dev, the works database, not counting the tags linking which allows for filtering, is north of 100GB. Also, the mobile interface allows for downloads, so…
I dunno.
(For reference, when Renay says “hire for support”, she means “allow to volunteer”. We are not paid, which makes some of those tickets…even better.)
My personal vote @heyheyrenay is to answer all the tickets with “anyway, here is wonderall [LINK TO THE NO APP POST]. @samjohnssonvt will also not let me do this, idk why… xD
Ok here’s the thing: apps are a scam. Particularly apps that allow you to access content that you can otherwise access in a browser, that make that content “prettier” or “more user friendly” on mobile. There is no reason the organisations in question can’t just build a mobile website, that you can access through the browser of your choice, or make their main website look good and be usable on mobile browsers, just like AO3 does. Literally none.
But viewing websites in the browser of your choice allows you to do all sorts of other things. Use ad blockers for staters. Use “Do not track” and browser extensions that protect your privacy.
And companies where you are the product – Google, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Medium, Reddit, mainstream media and news outlets, most commercial websites – they have no interest in protecting your privacy, no interest in giving you the freedom to not look at ads, to view their website through a standard interface that you can choose and customise (i.e. a browser).
Their interest is in collecting as much of your data as possible. In pushing as many ads on you as possible. In using all the data leakage from your phone (is your location on?) to build more and more detailed profiles of you, to better target ads so they can make money off you.
And that’s a hell of a lot easier if they’re in control of the technical infrastructure you use to access their site (i.e. an app) than if you are by using a browser.
You don’t need an app to read fic. You’ve just been taught to want one by people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
Kismet and Chaos 